God: Raph, prepare for your trip to Uganda tomorrow morning. Image Source: Art.com
God enters the Heavenly Meeting Hall Gates.
Angel Gabriel has been playing around with Angel Michael. They rush to be silent and honor the moment. All Angels stand as God makes His way to the throne.
God: I have been thinking and thinking about this country called Uganda. It's like our past discussions about it are never fertile. Is it the people who are just stubborn, or it's the methods we are using?
The Angels and the other heavenly hosts nod their heads in affirmation.
God: It has been overdue since they had sensible discussions necessary for the country's growth.
Angel Raphael: Really? The last time you sent me to Uganda, they had an interesting debate. They recently had a discussion about LGBTQI.
God: Were the resolutions befitting my purpose of calling everyone to love and treat their neighbor as they should?
There was silence in the room.
Angel Sandalphon accidentally hymns The Alleluia. Everyone turns and looks at the Archangel, who fumbles to hold themselves from releasing any other melody.
God: It is time we let the wisdom that flowed in Solomon pour out to some Ugandans. Look at the state of their roads. Look at their hospitals. Look at the service provision in the country. Look at the increasing inequalities in the community. Look at the injustices my people in Uganda suffer.
God (turns to Angel Raphael): Raph, get the scroll and pour some wisdom into someone with a platform to help this country gain awareness towards some social justices that must be addressed.
Angel Raphael (scrolls through and screams): There is a so-called Jim Spire Ssentongo.
Angel Zadkiel: From what I know, he is a cartoonist. You see, we sent a former ghetto boy to wake up the masses, but they looked at his past instead of listening to him. Do you think they will listen to a cartoonist of all people?
God: Are you doubting me?
Angel Raphael and Zadkiel simultaneously: No, God.
God: Angel Raph, prepare for the journey. You are going back to Uganda. By the way, last time you were spotted eating Rolexes in Wandegeya. Is that Angel etiquette? And stop using rowdy boda bodas. We can't lose you like that.
Angel Raphael: No, my Lord. I will be at my best this time.
Satan had been watching all this while. He interjects.
Satan: Naye muloowooza banaUganda bafayo? Olaba byebakola nange binsobera.
Two weeks later. The meeting to follow up with Uganda is called. Angel Raphael gives a positive review about what is happening. The heavenly forces are excited and believe that this time, Ugandans with platforms are united to ensure that certain areas get the attention they deserve from the leaders.
Satan (laughs mockingly): Temunaba
Angel Raphael returns to Uganda the next day. As the Angel meanders through the streets of Kampala, they notice everyone's phone is vibrating. Angel Raphael runs to an Internet cafe. A video of a so-called Gashumba dancing like how Bathsheba tricked David is trending. She is dressed just like how God placed Eve in the Garden of Eden. Potholes and the health care system are no longer trending in Uganda.
Satan (whispering to Raphael): Nakugambye daaaaa. Bayiseko daaaaaaa.
A third meeting is called. The heavenly forces are frustrated. How can we keep these people focused on the right causes? They are disappointed with how easily Ugandans are swayed by nonessential stuff.
Angel Achaiah: I have a suggestion.
All the Angels turn and are amused to hear Angel Achaiah speak. This is the most patient Angel and hardly speaks. Indeed, this will work.
God: Go ahead.
Angel Achaiah: Ugandans act out of emotions. Let's touch where it hurts.
Angel Gabriel: What's your point?
All the Heavenly hosts to Angel Gabriel: Shhhhh.
Angel Achaiah: Their leaders are like the Roman Empire's leaders. They have thrived on greed and lust. Grant one of their most loathed leaders an opportunity to hold a party at their upcountry home. It must be a leader once in the opposition and transitioned to the ruling party. Their house must look like a palace. It must be bigger than the local hospitals within their districts. It must look expensive and such a luxury compared to the schools in their community. Their compound must be way larger than the size of a football pitch. The party should bring together birds of the same feathers. Even those birds that had stopped hatching eggs can attend the party.
God: I get where you are going.
Angel Achaiah: Yes, the masses will be woken again. The people with platforms will speak up and try to bring to the attention of people the inequalities they are living in.
God: Angel Raphael, prepare. You leave for Uganda this morning.
Angel Raphael returns barely two days after the party. Angel Raphael informs the Heavenly hosts about the successful party held upcountry.
Angel Raphael: I honestly thought this would work this time. TikTok was full of videos about the leader's home. It was the talk of the Nation. The party was talked about in all the leading Newspapers. Every Television telecasted it. I thought we had gotten the niche, but…
God interrupts: We know. We know. You did your best. The drama between Alien Skin and Pallaso soon took over. In less than a day, drama ensued between Alien Skin and the People Power party. Shortly after, some men talking about women cooking Luwombo for their husbands at 2:00 a.m. became the trend. It's too much to take in at once.
Angel Raphael: God, the country is full of vibes. People care more about fun than serious things.
Satan: Naye, temupoowa
God: This meeting is dismissed. I will personally visit Uganda soon.
A few days later, the World Bank announced that it would no longer offer financial aid to Uganda. There is panic in the heavenly spaces. There is word that it is God that led to the imposition. God didn't tell anyone about the move. Angel Raphael rushes to deliver the message to God about what just happened.
Angel Raphael (bowing before God): My Lord, catastrophe has occurred in Uganda.
God: I know. I did that.
Angel Raphael (looks up in shock): My Lord, why? This is a country that has survived on donations and help from other nations for decades. Its taxes are mismanaged, and the bits left are barely enough to support the lowest-placed people in the economy. The country's currency is battling to maintain value on the world market. How do you expect these people to survive?
God: Let them trust in the Lord with all their hearts. You may now go back to singing and dancing. Tomorrow, you will head to Uganda to monitor the situation.
Angel Raphael leaves the meeting hall in shock.
All the other angels are eager to know what transpired during the conversation between Angel Raphael and God. Angel Raphael lets them know that, once again, he will be journeying to Uganda.
Angel Raphael returns by midday the next day from Uganda.
God: What happened? It's barely five hours since you went to Uganda.
Angel Raphael: There is so much obscenity that I am tired of following up with. A so-called Nampeera decided to do what married people do in a bathroom. The video is trending more than the effects of the World Bank's decision. Other people are busy catching up with Bad Black's return. Another group of people is debating if Ssegirinya is really sick. Like it's too much to follow up with.
God: Oh my.
God walks from the throne while pondering about what to do.
Satan: Naye mukimanyi nti mwelagaalaga?
God: Give me time. I will think about this and get back to you. In the meantime, Angel Raphael, you can take a vacation in Rwanda and rest. I will also organize a trip to the Emirates Stadium to watch Arsenal play.
All Angels hold their chins as they wonder what God will do next. They are amused at how stubborn a nation Uganda is.
God:
Comments